I recently caught up with Santa as he was taking a much deserved break from the hectic pace of preparing things for his annual trip. As we talked, the subject of humor, particularly Santa humor, came up. It was a subject that really got the big guy riled. Make no mistake, nobody likes to laugh more than Santa. However, he said that he had heard so many jokes about him and his team, that is was “Alright already.” While a few did make him chuckle, most are “just bad.” Without asking, he offered what he called “The worst of the worst.” He added, “In no particular order.”

“Why does Santa wear a red suit? The blue one is in the washer.” “Why does Santa go down the chimney? He left his keys in the blue suit.” “Why does Santa wear boots? Have you ever worked around reindeer?” He was just getting started. “Why does Santa wear glasses? Because his contacts fog up at night.” Or worse, he added, “Why does Santa wear glasses? Because he can’t see with out them!” “What do you call Santa coming out of the shower? A polar bare.” That even got a groan out of ME! He didn’t even stop for a breath. “What is the name of Santa’s wife? Mrs. Claus of course!” “Why must Santa stop every year on his trip at Wendy’s? To get a Frosty.” “What does Santa call the team that gets his sled ready for the Big Trip? His sleighmates.” I had agreed that was really bad, almost embarrassingly bad. But he was far from finished. “Why did the police arrest Santa? He was accused of running a fly by night operation.” “Knock knock, who’s there? Santa. Santa, who? Santa say anything besides Who’s There?”

He said it’s not just him. His reindeer also get the same treatment. “Why don’t all the reindeer have a red nose? Rudolph makes sudden stops.”  “What is the reindeers least favorite food? Anything whipped!” “What do the reindeer do when they get mad? They leave in a hoof.” “Where does Santa keep his reindeer up north? In a pole barn.”

Just when I thought he was all vented out, he said he did not want to leave out his elves. So he said, “Here are three badder than bad elf jokes.” “Why did the elf give up writing? He could only write short stories.”  “Why did the elf leave acting? She was only offered a bit part.”  And finally, “Why did the elf want to get a job at Denny’s? He wanted to be a short-order cook.”

I could see that Santa felt better after getting all that out of his system, but he still lamented that while most folks are happy with him and the holiday, there are people who don’t believe and laugh at him and not WITH him. I could tell this really hurt him. I told him to forget them. The people who matter DO care and can’t do without him. You won’t change the others, so just keep working to make the rest of us happy. He smiled and seemed refreshed. He then rushed off to finish his important preparations, but not before wishing me a “Merry Christmas and a good night.” I waved back in thanks.

Written by: Dan Sivco